called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
