so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
