There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize