Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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