why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
