I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
