I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize