My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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