that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
