Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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