Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
