oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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