it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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