I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
