Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
