My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize