don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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