I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
