then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
