I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
