I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This is my gift to your gina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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