There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
