OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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