It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
