Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize