Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
