I have demons in me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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