Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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