oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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