ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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