that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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