there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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