On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
