Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
