I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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