Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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