You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
