Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
