it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
