seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
