I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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