A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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