White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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