I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
