areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
