I puked a lego.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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