I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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