He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
