Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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