help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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