I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
