i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
