I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
