Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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