your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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