I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize