I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
