Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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