it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
