i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
