He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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