That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
