at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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