last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
