I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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