FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your penis caused this!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
