Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
