I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
