HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
sarcasm needs its own font
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
