i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
