Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
