We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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