It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
