Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
