Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
