we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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