i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
