would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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