Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
