Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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