he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
