I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
