You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
