so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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