good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
