you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
