I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
