omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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