I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
