I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
