i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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